Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines, Martha Stewart or Paula Deen, for goodness sake, can one of you give this girl a blue ribbon!

Words were uttered tonight I thougth I would never hear. No, not "you're too thin" or "eat some more, you're wasting away" or "have another cocktail" or "take a day off" or "get another dog" ... no these were words far more blissful ... "Wow, I think this is better than The Cupcakery!" I'm still in shock.

I decided to test bake tonight, Red Velvet Cupcakes, using a combination of recipes as, bless her heart, I just wasn't pleased with Paula's y'all. So with some reconfigurin' and innovatin' I developed Nannette's recipe, far superior to those before me who laid the foundation for cake mixes and television cooking shows.

I gathered my ingredients and set to work ... determined to beat the odds and bake a damn good red velvet cupcake, one that would make Paula cry, Martha fall to her knees and best of all my daddy praise the Lord ... (I come by my red velvet lovin' honestly y'all)!

The result: The happiest damn African you'll ever see, speaking the sweetest words I've ever heard, "It's better than The Cupcakery!"

Tomorrow's breakfast ....

Now a few hours later, we are all coming down from our batter licking, icing sucking, cupcake tasting fun - with sugar levels hitting all time lows, tempers are short and words are snappy, the pig is screaming, we are dehydrated and I have a headache. Was it worth it ... hell yes!

These are for my neighbor, you know, the one who makes up 'crap', literally, about my dogs ... if the rush of insulin doesn't kill her, well then the kindness will :)

Cupcakes were washed down with Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka, shipped courtesy of Cassandra, we just love her, more now than we did at before that box arrived, but that's neither here nor there ... 1/2 a bottle of vodka was missing, damn mailman! Can you imagine Sweet Tea Vodka to wash down home made Red Velvet Cupcakes ... y'all Paula can't do it right like that on the Food Network now can she ... she ain't got it all anymore ...

If this doesn't show you how good those cupcakes are then nothing will ...

Why is it when EMJ scrounges for food, butt up in the air, tongue firmly attached to the kitchen tiles, no one says anything to her, they just take a picture and say quietly, "it's the cushings" ... please, please next time I'm $10 into the dollar value menu, with plans for Dairy Queen and The Great American Cookie Company to follow, can someone say that about me, instead of reprimanding my lack of will power ... Seriously people ... It is the Cushings!!!

She really has no fear of getting her head stuck ... food is more important! That's my girl!

Well y'all, I'm tired. I have a press release to write and then some, and despite the fact that I can work clear through the night off of a bottle of wine, one lick of a cake batter bowl, suck as an icing beater and a cupcake later, y'all I'm done ... (how's my Paula y'all?)

For my Aunt Diane, who gave me the cookbook written by the woman I love to hate y'all ...